Sunday, October 18, 2009

Reflection

What do you want!? What do we want? What do I want?

It's a very familiar question that sometimes (or often?) lost its full meaning to our lives. Feeling emptiness in our lives (my life!), we start looking for something to fill that emptiness. We do things, anything, to fill the void (or should I say unhappiness?). Problem is, we don't even know what we're looking for!

Really?!

I attended a course very skeptical if it can do anything good to me. I had lots of questions to myself that were unanswered. Or should I say afraid to give concrete answers? It took a while for my friend to convince me to attend to the said seminar. Months had gone by before I finally decided to give it a try (chance?). I may find answers once I attended the seminar/course, I said to myself.

What do you want?!

It's a very powerful question that we all know we have the answers. The problem is we're afraid to commit the definite answers. We know what we want, however, we tend to sabotage things so that we don't reach our intended goal. We always consider other things first than what we want.

Honesty, commitment and risk-taking to self are essentials to know exactly what I want. But most importantly, I need to come to terms with myself before I can attain the necessary essentials.

Without attending the seminar, I may not be able to see clearly what I want. "Why can't you just help me?", I asked my friend. "Because I'm not good enough" was her reply. I realized that the friend may sympathize with me and would be my good reason not to pursue with what I want. That's where the seminar was mostly effective and helpful.

What do you want?! It's the core question that creates awareness of myself. It gives another perspective on what's going to happen in my life.

The strangers that I shared about my life eventually become my friends. We cried, dance, laugh, dine together, and even did things (crazy?) that I thought I won't do with strangers. And of course, bringing up a four in my hand!

I'm very grateful to my good friend (bff?) for not giving up on me. "I'm not going to attend" was always my reply to her. She's able to see things in me that others don't.

I acknowledged the support of my small group leader whom without her maybe I won't be able continue with the basic course (seminar). The first time she called me, I was hesitant to say anything to her, but somehow I did say something. Maybe the way she asked and delivery (voice?) of the question that I had to say something. I can (sort of) decipher her reaction and things that going on her mind when I told to her about myself. She's very supportive, and I can't express enough gratitude to her.

Our small group was very supportive, and that I really appreciate that very much. I received some good advise and support when talking to some individuals.

Of course, I'm thankful to our coach, Jim. He sounded more like Tatay (father).

Well, I'm now clear of what I want! I just don't want to be too specific here (avoidance :P) Fulfillment and happiness are the ultimate goals.

Awareness is not enough, and I've got a lot of things to do.


I don't wait for tomorrow what I can do for today!